Can I train my cat to be more affectionate and cuddly?

There are times when my Kitty drives me absolutely nuts.  When she has the Zoomies late at night.  Or, when she refused to sit on my lap.  It breaks my heart really.  Some cat owners are lucky enough to end up with a cuddly cat.

I started researching whether it’s possible to train a cat to adopt more affectionate behavior.  I have found lots of useful information on this subject. I will preface by saying that some cats are just not natural lap cats.  Some cats are predisposed to be lap cats.  Although Kitty does not curl up on my lap to snooze, she does let me hold her without fussing and I feel like sometimes she returns the affection I’m trying to give her.  So, I feel that might mean she’ll be easier to train if it’s doable. 

I’ve committed to try and train Kitty to be a more affectionate cat.  I truly hope it works.  I will report back in a few weeks.

Until then though, I thought I’d share with you some of the information I found, and thought was quite useful.  So here are 5 strategies that can help train a reclusive cat to be a little more affectionate.  You have no idea how much I hope it works!

1 – Positive reinforcement is key

This is the key solution to get your feline friend to do what you’d like them to.  Cats love a good food treat as a reward.  They understand very clearly that if they want that treat, all they have to do is repeat the behaviour that resulted in their last reward. 

A good way to put this step into practice would be to put your cat on your lap and give them a treat.  Kitty will tolerate me holding her on my lap, not forcibly but the second I let go she’s gone.  I’m hoping she’ll eventually stay on my lap without me holding her until I give her the treat.

Side note on the treat, it has to be something special.  Having a treat dedicated to these moments of affection will foster a positive association with affectionate behaviour.  The hope is that your furry friend will then start to associate your lap or arms with good feelings even without a treat. 

2 – Respect your cat’s boundaries

So, as much as I want to hold my cat most of the time, I can tell when she doesn’t want human contact.  I’ll talk more about this later, but cats will give clear signals through body language when you should leave them alone.  

In fact, I will say that the more cat parents impose their affection on their furry friend, the less affectionate they will be.  Be patient, your cat will eventually come and find you when it’s a good time for physical contact.  Let your cat be affectionate on their terms to not hurt your close bond. 

3 – Spend some quality time with your cat

On this, I will say that as much as Kitty is not cuddly, she’ll definitely be close to me often.  Especially when I have lots of play sessions with her throughout the day.  When I don’t have a lot of time, a couple of days in a row, she’s more of a standoffish cat. 

If you have a new cat and aren’t so sure what quality time should look like, playing with them is the best way to welcome them to their new home.  There are all kinds of different cat toys to help with that.  I bought a 25-piece set when I first got my cat because I didn’t know what fun toys she preferred.  I found that the wand toys and tunnels are her favorites.  There are a few more pieces that she still plays with 3 years later.  Sadly, the set I got is no longer available but the one linked below actually has more pieces but is essentially the same.

Show your cat you love them with this cat toy starter set

(paid ad)

4 – Make sure your cat has a comfortable environment

Cats like to feel they live in a safe environment.  Some cat breeds especially like to be higher up so wall and window perches tend to be their favorite spots.  I think the idea here is that the more your fur baby is comfortable the more positive feelings they will have for you.

Pet parents should have a bunch of beds, tents, cat trees, perches, and even shelves for them to snooze or sit on and observe.  Some may cringe at the idea of having all that cat stuff around, but pet owners have to welcome their new furry pet the same way you would with new family members or roommates.  You have to provide them with all their basic needs including a calm environment.  They will thank you by seeking the feel of your hands followed by headbutts if they approve. 

5 – Understand cat behavior through different ways they communicate

As mentioned earlier, cats will give clear signals to let you know how they are feeling.  Some of the ways affectionate dogs show love and affection may actually cause stress and anxiety for a cat.  Here are some signs that your fur baby needs to be left alone for a while:

• “Airplane” ears – turned to the side and flattened
• Eyes – pupils are fully dilated but they could also be excited in a positive way
• Tail – wagging or thumping
• Posture – crouching or in the Halloween cat stance

Check out this article I wrote about 6 ways your cat shows you they love you. 

There you have it, 5 strategies you can use to train your cat to be more affectionate.  One thing to note is that a regular routine is crucial to this plan working.  It’s very likely that your cat hates sudden changes in their daily life.  The more consistent you are, the more your cat will be able to trust and bond with you.

If this article has inspired you to try to train your little fur baby, I’d love to hear about your experience.  Be sure to send me a little note here.  I will also write a follow-up article to share my own experience.